Saturday, July 20, 2024

Is there an autistic stare or gaze?

 Is there an autistic stare or gaze?

For me, eye contact is a very intense experience. So I tend to avoid it. However, when I do make eye contact, it can be very hard to break.

I’ve had people say they thought I was going to punch them. In fact, what I was doing was sizing them and the situation up. Small talk and social interactions do not come intuitively to me. While my mind is racing trying to figure out a socially acceptable response, my gaze becomes fixed on their eyes. I also tend to open my eyes wide except when under very bright light.

I used to think I could not read people. I now think that perhaps I can read people too well. You see, most people only intend to show the world their public face. In most situations, that is meant to be polite and mildly friendly.

However, often we have a lot of things on our minds. Paying the bills, dealing with problems with our children, an argument with our spouse that remains unresolved, a recent death in the family. Most people are unable to completely conceal little signs. It is difficult to explain. The expression just before they smile and greet you. How quickly their friendly expression collapses when they don’t think you are looking at them. Subtle changes in their movements.

It is a bit like their feelings are printed on transparent paper, and the transparent coversheet is the one everyone else is intended to see. I can see the other pages, too. Not only that, but I can’t tell what I’m intended to see and what is meant to be concealed. And as would be the case with text, I am unable to determine the meaning.

So I don’t know if they are reacting to something I’ve done or said, or if it is personal stuff having nothing to do with me. At that point, my gaze is likely to become quite intense as I try to figure out if I’ve angered or offended them in some way.

I used to ask people if there was something wrong, or if they were OK. You know how in science fiction, everyone hates telepaths? I think it feels to them like they spotted a peeping tom at a time when they thought they were in private. Or like they caught you going through their medicine cabinet or underwear drawer.

Now I only ask people I know pretty well, and even then only after a lot of thought.

Back to the ASD/Aspie stare: I have learned to defocus when I look someone in the face. I had to figure that out for myself. Everyone says to stare at the bridge of the nose, point of the nose, forehead, etc. I’d see every pimple, pore, and hair and not hear a word they’d been saying. And I often had people rubbing their faces and asking if they had something on them.

TL;DR Yes, there is an autistic/Asperger’s stare. Not everyone on the spectrum has it, many learn to compensate and conceal it. Some do it and don’t realize it. But it definitely exists.

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