How can I know that I don't have Asperger's syndrome?

 How can I know that I don't have Asperger's syndrome?

“I was diagnosed as a child, yet friends and family refuse to believe that I am not just being an asshole. From my perspective, I am very giving, sociable, friendly and considerate. Yet I am often excluded, accused of being arrogant, selfish and rude. How do I know that I’m not just an asshole?”

I feel your pain. I’ve known a lot of people who’ve acted like I’m rude and inconsiderate. I’ve had people stop talking to me because I didn’t ask them “How are you?” when we ran into each other. I’ve had former friends decide that not only did they not like me (but won’t tell me why), they also convince everyone else in the circle of friends to break off all contact and not invite me for any future gatherings.

Yet I’ve had some of my closest friends (I have few) tell me that I’m the kindest person they know. My wife said that when we first met, I seemed -too- nice. She thought I must be acting a role. Then when she figured out that I’m just being myself, she didn’t know what to do with me. She’s had some bad relationships with manipulative bastards.

I am sometimes rude and inconsiderate. I don’t mean to be. The NTs of the world seem to me to have loads of unwritten rules and rituals that must be followed or like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, they’ll ruthlessly point you out as different and therefore an enemy.

It has taken me a long time to realize that I don’t wish to be friends with those kinds of people.

I am NOT saying that you should not work on yourself. I have spent a lifetime unguided (no idea what autism really was) trying to figure out how to respond to people.

I try to keep in mind several things:

No one likes being corrected, especially in front of others. When I feel I must correct someone, I try to be kind about it. Never say that something is stupid, because what they will hear is that you are saying that -they- are stupid.

Everyone knows something you don’t. No matter how smart you are, you can’t know everything. So other people will know things that you don’t.

You can be wrong, too. So better not to be absolute in your statements. Leave some wiggle room in case you are wrong, or even just somewhat incorrect. Also, people tend to dig in and not listen if you make absolute pronouncements of fact.

Humor is useful, but be careful not to make fun of others.