Autistic people question: How can I share a house with an autistic person, who constantly makes specific (but non-major) demands of me, in a way which allows both of us to be comfortable?

 Autistic people question: How can I share a house with an autistic person, who constantly makes specific (but non-major) demands of me, in a way which allows both of us to be comfortable?

Consider the merits of the requests.

What are the “demands”? To stop sucking your teeth? To wash the dishes you used, instead of leaving them in the sink until =you= need them? To close the bathroom door when you are using the toilet? To close the lid of the toilet before flushing? To wear headphones when playing games with loud sounds? To wear headphones when watching porn? To not watch porn in common areas? To not give any of your friends a key to the house?

Or is it more like, I don’t like the pattern on that shirt, please don’t wear it? I can’t stand the feel of soap, so you need to wash all the dishes? You have to clean the catbox even though it is my cat, because I can’t stand the texture of cat litter? I can’t stand the sound of your musical instrument even from behind two closed doors, so you aren’t allowed to practice while I’m home? I can’t stand cherry candy, so you aren’t allowed to use cherry cough drops when you are sick?

Some things are just the way things should be done when living with anyone, roommate, family, or significant other. Some things are reasonable accommodations. Some things are over-reaching demands.

The two of you must talk and determine which are which.

I’ve had too many roommates who seem to think washing my dishes after =they= use them instead of leaving them randomly around the place is an over-reaching demand. And roommates who would get upset if I changed TV channels “too fast” because they think it wears out the tuner, not because they are trying to watch.

Did you notice that I never addressed the issue of NT or ASD? The only place this really comes in is in communication. Speak to each other. The most important thing is to say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t rely on implication or hints, or for someone to “just get it”.

I love this scene from Star Trek. Data and Worf are a bit like two somewhat different Autists/Aspies in that they are both direct, highly analytical, and logical.

https://youtu.be/R4226lBJ_qI?si=ZSyXaNtMqASlu7IS